Time Management

I've always had a nagging feeling that I'm not particularly good at managing my time. Procrastination has long been an issue of mine, and my secret superhero ability to both read and produce written work at an accelerated rate is the only reason I've been able to graduate college and maintain a job. At the last, most desperate hour, I am able to quickly pull together a reasonable facsimile of a finished product. 

Now that I've been navigating the waters of stay-at-home-mom-ness, I'm finding my quick read skills aren't particularly handy. Aside from the occasional label reading, there's not much time to be saved in my current daily tasks of grocery shopping and laundry. God knows the little beast won't allow me to speed read through bedtime stories. 

On a good day, I manage to get myself and my toddler dressed and fed. If I'm feeling motivated, I'll throw in a field trip or a craft project. (Bear in mind that I consider eating doughnuts at Hannaford a field trip and coloring on junk mail with broken crayons a pretty good art project.)

I would bob merrily along in the waters of ignorance, feeling rather satisfied with my work, if it weren't for Facebook. God damn Facebook. Not just for the hours wasted each week online, but for the cheerful status updates I am constantly bombarded with. Allegedly, there are women out there who are not only getting dressed, but completing home improvement updates, performing minor surgery, and whipping up gourmet meals. If the following posts look familiar to you, you know what I'm talking about:

"So far this morning have gone to swim lessons with Peyton, baked three loaves of bread, repainted the garage, and waxed my own bikini. Later we're off for school shopping and then back home to host a block party for the neighborhood. Fun day!!"

"Just sealed the driveway! Back inside to finish a gluten-free, organic five course meal for tonight's 17 guests! After everyone goes home I'll wax the floor and shampoo the rugs!!"

"Up at 4:30 a.m. to run five miles to the gym and catch a Zumba class, then back home to clean the house for my combination Scentsy/Pampered Chef/Fake Handbag party. Hoping I have time to finish tailoring the triplets' Halloween costumes!"

I suspected that my days were just not adding up. As an experiment, I recently started tracking my time. Here's how I spent a typical August day:

4:00 am - Awakened by small creature climbing in my bed and stealing my pillow. Go back to sleep.

7:15 am - Reawakened by aforementioned creature patting my face and yelling, "Wake up - It's sunny out!"

8:00 am - Roll out of bed after sufficient time lolling around like the two adorable, lazy pigs we are.

8:15 am - Put up brief and rather uninspired fight about toddler eating breakfast in front of TV; turn on PBS Kids; toss her a carnation instant breakfast and some grapes.

8:30 am - Pick up my shorts off floor from previous day, put on; find clean outfit to replace toddler's current princess costume. 

8:31 am - Buckle princess in car for preschool drop off.

8:32 am - Run back inside for sippy cup... 8:33 am - Run back inside for sunglasses... 8:34 am - Run back inside for phone.

8:45 am - Enjoy a child drop off so fraught with separation anxiety that child throws up three times. Proceed to parking lot and throw up a few times myself.

9:15 am - Accidentally arrive at mall full 45 minutes before Apple store opens, so park it on a mall couch and use Apple's wireless signal to spend 2 hours online while simultaneously gossiping on my cell phone.

12:00 pm - Pick up a grateful, sobbing toddler and head home to finish the lunch she refused to eat during her hunger strike; tuck her in for nap.

1:15 pm - Skim debris from kiddie pool, whip out pool float, and provide welcome distraction to work-from-home-husband by floating topless in said pool for remainder of nap time. Send several important and pressing text messages.

3:30 pm - Get small creature up from nap; realize day is nearly over and desperately pull frozen rock of meat out of freezer for dinner, speed clean kitchen, and poor day's first glass of wine.

4:00 pm - Sitting in swingset 'tree fort', kicking it with toddler and hollering for daddy to quit working already.

Upon review of my time diary, it's rather clear that I'm not living up to my full potential. I could have easily fit in a nap myself if I had skipped the errand and moved pool time up. Either way, this schedule is hardly Facebook-worthy. Mulling over my day's accomplishments, I start to wonder if I just need to begin speaking a different language. Perhaps all those super moms out there are taking some liberties? 

Applying my secret decoder ring, I have developed the following, social media-ready update: 

"Today I worked on L's transition to fall preschool, built a new computer with some spare parts, and did some modeling! Just cleaned kitchen top to bottom and am headed outside for some exercise with the family before home-cooked meal! Whew, full day!!" 

Now that I can compete, I better go log in. Well, as soon as I finish photoshopping my new profile picture...