Not so Funny: Old Mama, Sexy Babies

Lately I’ve really been struggling with a nagging idea that I might be getting … old. I’m not suggesting that I’m elderly or that it’s all over or anything silly like that. But evidence suggests that I may at least be approaching old-ish. Mom old.

 

Recently, I was carded while buying wine at Hannaford, which gave me some relief from the idea that I might be visibly aging. This was no ordinary carding. The clerk asked for my ID, studied it, and quizzed me on my personal information. Feeling pretty chuffed, I repeated this story to some girlfriends, only to have one of them say, “Ha! She probably just finished a training or something this afternoon.” Bitch.

 

As that was my only real evidence that I wasn’t aging, I was forced to reexamine the opposing evidence. Lately I’ve found myself thinking, “these kids today!” a lot. I’ve even gone so far as to say this out loud to some women at a scrapbooking event. (I realize scrapbooking is another point in the old column, so let’s not mention it.)

 

What prompted me to happily engage in one of these ‘kids today’ discussions? The latest pop hit from that little cutie pie Rihanna. I heard the following lyrics in my car a few weeks back and nearly drove off the road:

Cause I may be bad


But I’m perfectly good at it


Sex in the air


I don’t care; I love the smell of it


Sticks and stones


May break my bones


But chains and whips


Excite me

 

WHAT? Seriously, people. This is a radio station that children listen to. Tween girls are calling in and flirting with the veejays all day long. I was tempted to put the dial right back on NPR where it belonged, but my curiosity was piqued. Next up? A sweet track from Usher:

Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow


Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow


Girl you know I’m loving your, loving your style

 

To add insult to injury, the name of the song is “OMG.” Inspired. He’s practically my generation’s answer to Shakespeare. I mull this all over while gazing at myself in the bathroom mirror during L’s bath that night. Wait a minute, is that me or my mom? I’m drinking coffee! Since when do I even drink coffee? Christ. I’m old.

 

I actually began taking a few notes on this ongoing old/not old debate. I won’t detail all of them here, because this is already getting long and I haven’t even made my point yet. But what I realize is that I’m not getting old – I’m just having a new reaction to an old problem. When I see the list on paper, there’s a common denominator in the things that are bothering me.

Bratz dolls. Toddlers in Tiaras. High heeled shoes in children’s sizes. Disgusting lyrics in pop songs. Middle school girls giving blow jobs at school. Sexting. My own 3 year-old checking out her butt in the mirror (learned behavior from mom). Real makeup lines designed for 8 year-olds.

The sexualization of our girls, our children, is real. And that has nothing to do with feeling ‘old.’ And there sure as hell isn’t anything funny about it. So I’ll have to depart from my self-absorbed musings to make space for something that’s actually important.

 

Our culture puts a premium on sex. We put a premium on youth and on beauty. At home we may tell our girls that their brains and personality are most important, but everything else they see tells them otherwise. Merchandise, songs, clothes, advertising, and movies say something else altogether.

 

The messages out there assure our girls that their bodies are to be exploited and their mouths aren’t for talking. Their brains don’t even factor into the equation. At the end of the day, these messages add up to some sobering statistics. One out of every three women has been physically or sexually abused in her lifetime. Chances are good if a woman was abused, it began at a young age – over half of rapes are committed against women younger than 18, and over 20% of those are on children younger than 12.

You may think I’m making a pretty big leap from sexy toddler clothes to rape. “Advertising isn’t that bad! These songs are a joke – no one takes it seriously!” Really? Take a look at the following words and images and get back to me. If you make it to the end, there are some links you might find interesting. If you do anything at all, take a half hour this week to watch Killing Us Softly on You Tube. It will leave you speechless, which, if you're a woman, is exactly where they want you...

If she ever tries to fucking leave again


I'mma tie her to the bed


And set the house on fire

Eminem, Love The Way You Lie

I've only recently heard that a popular retort given to adolescent girls by adolescent boys is "Go make me a sandwich." I'm not sure what I'll have to do to keep my own daughter protected in this crazy world we're living in, but I can promise her one thing: I'll be raising her to respond to that kind of remark with a sandwich involving four of her knuckles. 

Some reading on the sexualization of our children and what you can do about it: 

The American Psychological Association's report on the sexualization of girls

Sexualization Protest: Action, Resistance, Knowledge (SPARK), a movement for girls’ rights to healthy sexuality. 

PBG: Powered By Girl on Facebook and PoweredByGirl.org. (Also, thank you to PBG - I found several of these ad images on their Facebook page. Like them!)